kawaii baby's secret world

2006-02-02T21:41:00.000-08:00

being laugh at like a fool.

yesterday broke up with tommy.feeling better.i and him never talk at all in school.then english test came.kaox..sian.difficult sia.haiz..sure fail de.depressed sia.after school meet the group at put bag there.tml go bai nian.then when going home the time got 2 malay guys from naval base sec scare me.say the floor got cockroach.haiz..then they laugh.very funny meh.i very nice to bully iszit.haiz..

kawaii baby.terrible.

2006-01-27T08:07:00.000-08:00

regret.

today went out with the group.some go some never go.go kfc for lunch and they went to watch movie,fearless.i cannot watch.cos its NC-16.haiz..then tommy meet me with his cousin.after awhile pang seh me.haiz..what kind of stead is this.haiz..then went to walk myself.the problem is northpoint nothing to walk.sianzz..then later their movie end.i went to meet them.goodie!!!not so bored.kenny keep staring at me like my face got thing like that.lol..anyway,i decided.if this continues...i cannot take it le.i will break with tommy if this continue.he is jus isn't a good stead.even though last time i and kenny alot of quarrel here and there.i still think he treat me alot better.better than tommy.haiz..i really regret.hope time can move back.then i can re-choose.everytime i listen the song frm ch 8 9pm de.it always remind me of kenny.i dunno why.but just remind me of him.hope it can tell me something.

kawaii baby.iwannamovebacktime.

2006-01-26T07:06:00.000-08:00

don't want anymore hurt to him.

today exchange mp4 player with kenny.haiz..i everytime see kenny heart abit pain or what.then whenever i listen the song on ch8 9pm.i will think of the past and feel like crying.its like i just think of the past.sometimes almost cry out but must control.really no idea why i will like this.saw his mp4 inside got 1 folder all my photos.see liao,quite touched and sad.its like i got stead and his waiting.i feel so bad.today tommy's parents found out he got stead.then his father use his handphone call me.shocked sia.haiz..cant be bothered.i don't want to hurt kenny anymore.what should i do?tomorrow we going out to eat and watch movie.but i cannot.cos NC16.hope i can find a way not hurt him anymore.as for tommy,i know it will last.so i not going to care about it.haiz..i know its irresponsible.but i cant help it.i don't want hurt kenny anymore.i hurt him too much.i don't want it to continue.

kawaii baby.thesongmakesmecry.

complication relationship.

2006-01-25T06:06:00.000-08:00

complication relationship.

life is as usual.thinking day by day wondering how long i and tommy will last.got a very big feel we will nt last.well,its okay.somehow i got feeling he isn't the right guy and he isn't serious about it.so why should i.so i just be nt very serious.sometimes certain things he say quite hurtful.haiz..why in the world i choose a stead who says things that is so hurting.he is straightforward but too straightforward.never mind.i don't know why i choose tommy.i really don't know why.but if can i want to turn back time.i now then found out that kenny is a so much better boyfriend than tommy.haiz..sometimes i really regret.read kenny's personal blog recently.i really wish I could do something about it.but I cant.haiz..he is waiting and waiting.what can I do?sometimes I really feel like crying after I read his blog.haiz..i felt touched sometimes.haiz..

kawaii baby.regret.

2006-01-16T06:10:00.000-08:00

today as usual meet tommy go school.dun feel quite well.having stomachache n cramps.then in class my stomach cramp like mad.got frustrated over it.kind of jealous seeing my stead n best friend talking to happily with each other.face turn quite black.is my best friend trying to steal my stead or wad.i jus dun get it.haiz..sometimes i feel like asking tommy iszit he like tina or wad.cos i sumhow abit dun feel right having tina n tommy sitting together.i always find tt there is like a secret between them.haiz..just now read kenny personal blog.felt quite sad.wanted to cry.but sumhow i think its totally my fault.haiz...problems n problems.

//* kawaii baby=>jealousnessbringmenowherebutthetrap.__*

2006-01-12T02:39:00.000-08:00

haiz..i gt a new stead.yes i am happy.but i just cannot stand it when i see my stead n my best friend talk so well.when they talk all i can do is shut up.cos i dunno wad they tokin.imagine u having a stead n its like this.u will feel sad n of cos jealous.i ever read magazine about best friend still bf.scared such things happen.maybe he will nt noe how i feel.but i jus dun wan such things to continue.maybe i shld jus shut up.when they tok i will jus stay into space.haiz..

miserably sad.

2005-11-19T06:02:00.000-08:00

ytd nite slept at 2 sumthing.actually at 1 sumthing de.den at 2am had a very bad stomach pain.cant lie down den i sit up.so pain.den i gt cough also den make me feel like vomitting.so terrible.den lata i tell my mum.she ask me put medicated oil n drink warm water.den feel much beta.den the cough very uncomfortable.i go put vick.feel beta le.after that can sleep well.tml gotta wake up early again.haiz...

2005-11-18T07:32:00.000-08:00

haiz~why nw a days i get rashes here and there.its so irritating n itchy.i cant stand it.ARGGHHH!!!!nw having rashes on neck.its terrible.haiz..why cant i be normal.i didn't eat seafood or wear fake silver or gold.why i still get rashes.or iszit nt rashes its sumthing else.haiz..hope it faster recover.i dun wan ppl to see me scratching here n there.its very unpleasent thing to do.

2005-11-08T02:15:00.000-08:00

hello!ytd i went to the dentist for constation cos wanna put braces.den the dentist say i must extract 4 teeth.kaox..den after that he make mould.its for the shape of my teeth.when he put the mould for the bottom teeth its ok.den when wan to take out like all my teeth wanna cum out like tt.when put for the top teeth,its so terrible.as in like sumthing is going to stuck at my throat,so torturing.den when he wanna take out,he nid to use strength.i thought its stuck cannt cum out.so scary.i nid to take x-ray.after visiting the dentist,went to eat den went to buy formal shirt.cos for a volunteery work on sunday.after tt,went home.

today went to take x-ray den went to bring yuqi go class.den we go shop for pants for the volunteery work.den we went to a shop.their clothes is ok.den my sis ask my mum if this cloth is ok.den my mum say dun wan cos wear until so complicated.den i ask my mum abt a jeans mini skirt n a sleeveless shirt with sapgetti strip.den she say jeans mini skirt go other place buy cheaper.i was like wad the hell.can buy for my sis cannt buy for me.so bias.den aft tt i ask her abt the sleeveless shirt wif sapgetti strip.she say u will this type de meh.den she say i waste money buy cos i dun wear.den say i always wear my op shirt.den say my sapgetti buy liao nv wear.but actually nt i dun wan to wear.i wan to wear.but wear nt nice.cos i fat!!!!cos fat!!fat!fat!den wear nt nice.so i stick t-shirt.i really think tt sleeveless spagetti shirt is nice.but i think i dun hab the figure to wear.so might as well dun buy.save money!i dun hab any nice clothes.den in tt shop i saw a nice shirt n a skirt.i thought of asking my mum.den lata my sis cum see den she say she wan to ask my mum.i was haiz,ok lor.anyway she gt the figure sure wear nice de.i no figure beta nt.if nt make a shame out of myself.ppl always ask me y i dun wear tight fitting clothes.i always reply them cos i dun like sumthing sticking to my body.but tts nt the real reason.its i find tt i am fat!wear already nt nice.losing confident..nw i rather buy t-shirt n long sleeve shirt tt i will wear.those revealing clothes i dun wan liao.i losing confident in wearing them.i look terrible n ugly in them.when i wear revealing clothes.i look myself in the mirror.i ask myself,who is this fat ugly monster.iszit really me.after tt shop,we went to another shop.they sell alot of black revealing clothes.i think they r nice.but nt for me.fat ugly monster like me dun fit to wear.so i didnt see the clothes.i jus stand there n see earrings.den my sis say wanna buy earring.den my mum say dun buy there cos ex.my mum so freaking cheapstake!den she bring us to a shop selling 3 for $10 earrings.i dun like those type of earring tt is vintage n gt colour.cos they dun suit me.onli silver suit me.den i always wanted to buy a earring tt is a big circle n plain.den i ask my mum buy for me.she dun wan.she say nt nice.den well,i nv buy.den my sis ask me buy earring.dne i say i dun wan.den my mum bought all 3 earrings for my sis lor.anyway,my mum is freaking bias towards my sis n my mei mei.she doesn't bias to me.anyway,never mind.its ok.i save money and buy them myself.wadeva my sis n my mei mei she will buy.wad i wan i dun get it.if i wan i must save money buy myself.she n my sis always say i gt bad taste.den when we look at clothing she will say i choose those nt nice.but to me i think is nice cos i dun hab any nice clothing.i think i dun wanna buy chinese new year clothes liao.like my mum say my taste so bad.buy liao nv wear.anyway,fat ugly monster like me gt a few clothing enough le.my mum always say i gt so many clothing den onli wear those few.i already gt very little clothing.my sis gt more clothing than me.but all her clothing she onli wear 1-2 times.i think i jus nid 1 small cupboard.like this i can put all my clothing.my sis nid a very big cupboard.everytime,gt ppl hurt.no matter wad,in sch or at home i sure get hurt.ppl say me fat.ok,nvm.i admit i am fat.in sch my fwens say me fat.den gt 1 time 1 of my fwen say he look at my pimples bu sun yan can get rid of them.its nt i wan de.i also wish i dun hab.at home my sis,my mum,my father,my meimei n my jiu jiu say i fat.fat also nt i wan de.well,i noe i am fat n ugly.but no nid say this out.its so hurting.den when i go out,i see those girls thin thin den so pretty.i feel like a big fat ugly monster.well,never mind.i am use to it.everyone say this to me.i wan to slim down also.i also wan to b those thin thin type.but i cant.i try being on diet.i cant.aft awhile i start having gastric n i hab to eat.haiz~i dun ask much.i jus wan ppl to leave me alone n stop hurting me.

2005-11-06T05:58:00.000-08:00

hello!now i am having holiday!!!oh man!so god damn happy.i got promoted to sec 3(NA).den now waiting for 30 november see wad sub i take.hope i get geo,phy/chem n dnt.enjoying my holidays.but my cash is getting lesser.oh man!how am i going to survive???never mind.

haiz..my stead broke up with me for dunno how many days le.think i can get over him soon.hab been contacting kenny recently.quite fun..haiz~i dun wanna hab any bf manz.it spoils my life.makes me more n more sad.life is't fun manz.hope to be single always.but each time i fall in love the relationship doesn't last.each time i getting more n more sad.i dun wan such thing to continue.i wan to put a stop to all these.if i still fall in love again,i wan to find a guy who can treat me gd forever n gib in to me always n will nt leave me alone when i nid him.i dun wan guys who r irritating n hot temper.i hab enuff liao.

well,dun wanna tok all these le.recently french class start.ytd after french class went out wif my sis n cousin.we went to watch sky high.the show is nice.highly recemmended to watch.its funny.after the movie,we went to buy things.i bought a pooh bear n a note bk.chu hui bought 2 blouse n my sis bought a notebk.after tt went home.freaking tired.like nv slp the entire nite.

feel so sorry/guilty.i like hab hurt kenny times n times.sumtimes i noe i hab hurt him.i try my best nt to hurt him.haiz~mayb i dun wanna patch back wif james though my sis n tution teacher say he is a gd guy.we'll see how it goes den.

mood:hopeless/terrible

a new chapter of my life hab begin.

2005-10-20T22:05:00.000-07:00

exams result we all gt back le.haiz~ i did badly.wad happen?the papers were all easy.yet i did badly.i feel so useless.haiz~ dun feel good lately.jus find that i am totally a useless person.here is my result. maybe its the fact that i am stupid.everyone say that to me.

english- 42/100
chinese- 48.8/100
math- 50/100
science- 48/100
litertature- 50.5/100
history- 43/100
geography- 24.5/100
dnt- 64/100
art- 65.5/100

look at them manz.they all sux!!!! haiz~ i did my best le. ='(

now a days go school also got nothing to do.so moodless.dun feel like going to school.wanna stay at home.

people say i am cheerful type and happy go lucky.but they dun noe inside me.inside me is just sumone useless,plain,stupid n lazy.its all negative.

i wan to be alone.i dun wan anyone.i jus wan to be alone.people always hurt my feeling.i am a human.i got feeling.why people always hurt my feeling.why??why?why?????????can anyone tell me.i feel like crying every thing out.but i cant.if not people will thought why i cry for no reason or say i crybaby.never mind.let them say.its nt them who get hurt.its me.to others i dun hab feelings de.haiz~ maybe i really dun belong to this world.i wan to go to a place where no one no me.people treat me like shit.they wan thing ask frm me.dun wan put me aside.wad is this manz.i might as well die.so no one can do this to me.i feel so extra.. =( feel like crying my heart out.its bleeding terribly..

I feel like dying!!!!!!! ='(

2005-10-10T00:01:00.000-07:00

hello people!now its the exam period.and i am going to update about what happen today.today just isn't my day.i woke up late manz.and i am late for exam.GOSH!exam and i am late.i woke up at 8am.and my paper starts at 8am.OH MY GOD!freaking scary.i damn hp alarm isn't working so does my father's hp.OH MAN! gotta rush and went to school.then my father ask my principal,mr low, whether can extend the time for me to do.den he no.cos public exam also cannt.den lata he ask me go up take exam first.kaox..i rush n ran up to class.quite scared they don't let me take.if i dun take means fail.OH MAN!den i gt to class den my form teacher who was the invigilator let me take the exam and den he tell me to relax cos i still hab 1 hour.den do the paper.the paper wad ok.i studied so i noe roughly all the answers.hehe..after the paper,tina told me she guess correctly i am late cos even if i sick i still go school.lol..

recently,i quarrel with james.i found out that james is a nice guy.he sumtimes can be irritating and quite dao sumtimes.things are nt right.i found i still love my ex.but i cannt two timer.i gotta do sumthing.this shld nt be happening.i feel that if i love two people its like i am bluffing james.i need to stop this.recently,i hab been talking to my ex.how?what am i going to do.i feel so lost in this type of relationship.i never occur such thing in my life.i hope after exam i am able to follow my heart.i think i shld jus count day by day as it goes by.if james found out abt this.den so be it.i and my ex has been contacting with each other alot recently.sumtimes we were quite scared james found out and gt the wrong idea.but never mind.just see how it goes.i dun care about anything now.i and james stead like nv stead.so i dun care liao.

today went gym with my sis,yiyan,kor,kenny,james,zhonghui and kangwei.it was ok lah.but after running the track thingy.quite giddy.i went home first as i gt tution.

i'll end my post here.c ya!

2005-09-30T00:06:00.000-07:00

hello people!sorry for not updating recently cos exam period!!den hab been studying.ytd hab eng paper.ITS EASY!!!today chinese paper.the paper was ok lah.cos tian xie han zi i sum dunno.hehe...

den other days we play water in class when exam haven cum.hehe..den stupid nicholas put water on my chair den make me sit on the chair den skirt all wet.but i took revenge le.haha..den chuyun so wet.haha..she let huimin pour water frm head to toe.so poor thing.haha..pity her.lol..den today tina birthday.HAPPY BIRTHDAY DARLING TINA!!!den we brought her to the canteen den she was surprise with the cake.den after she blow the candles we quickly cut the cake den take one slice smash on her face.but she noe sia.she run away.den me n chuyun hold her den valerie take n smash her.so poor thing.haha..but it was my idea.keke..den lata huimin come also smash her face again.haha..den lata she in toilet we take water splash on her.i put my water bottle full pour on her.haha..so cool.she's all wet.den lata dunno wad happen they all attack me.push me into the shower room den on the shower.kaox..i am wet.haha..but it was so fun.

here is a msg for tina darling.
tina,u hab grown 1 yr older le.becum old woman le.so sad.lol..
must b mature liaoz.may ur wishes cum true kiez.i promise u tt wallet i will buy for u de.=)
btw,HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!!

2005-08-26T20:39:00.000-07:00

hello! here am i going to update my blog again.life is ok.on 25 august 2005 (i think) my class go to the tea house.its nice.i went there when i was primary 5.and we turn the place upside down.hahax..there are other classes too.everything was in a big mess.my friends even took the tea and pour it at each other.crazy people.den after that its time too home. haha..ok,i gotta go.c ya!